90 Day Plan to Heal Porn-Induced ED

Are you struggling with erectile dysfunction (ED) and suspect that your porn habits might be to blame? You’re not alone. Many people are facing similar challenges, but there’s good news: taking a break from porn and masturbation for 90 days might help your brain and body reset and recover. Here’s how and why it works.

Understanding the Issue

Watching porn can be incredibly stimulating, thanks to the brain’s release of dopamine, a chemical associated with pleasure and reward. However, when you consume large amounts of porn regularly, your brain can become overstimulated. This overstimulation leads to something called tolerance, where your dopamine receptors become less sensitive. Essentially, you need more intense stimulation to get the same level of pleasure, and real-life sexual activities might start to feel less satisfying.

The Conditioning Trap

Another issue with frequent porn consumption is that it can condition your brain to respond sexually only to pornographic stimuli. This means that the neural pathways related to arousal become wired to porn, making it difficult for you to get aroused by real-life partners. This conditioning can lead to difficulties in achieving and maintaining erections during real-life sexual encounters, a condition often referred to as porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).

The 90-Day NoFap Solution

By abstaining from porn and masturbation for three months, you give your brain a chance to reset. Without constant overstimulation, your dopamine receptors can regain their sensitivity. This means you’ll start to enjoy real-life pleasures more, including sexual experiences with a partner. Abstaining from porn also allows the neural pathways associated with natural, real-life sexual arousal to strengthen. Your brain starts to rewire itself, making it easier to become aroused by real-life stimuli. With time, the need for extreme stimulation decreases, and your overall sexual health improves.

The Benefits

People who have successfully completed a 90-day NoFap streak often report significant improvements in their sexual health. They find it easier to become aroused by real-life partners and experience stronger, more reliable erections. Beyond just physical improvements, many also report enhanced mental clarity, better mood, and a renewed sense of control over their lives.

Starting a NoFap streak might seem challenging, but the benefits can be substantial. If you’re struggling with PIED, consider giving it a try. You might find that 90 days can make a world of difference in your sexual health and overall well-being. With patience and commitment, you can overcome PIED and enjoy a healthier, more fulfilling sex life.

The Intersection of Anxiety and Alcohol: Understanding Comorbidity

Introduction

Anxiety disorders are among the most prevalent mental health conditions worldwide, impacting millions of individuals annually. In many cases, those struggling with anxiety may turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism. This co-occurrence of anxiety and alcohol use disorder (AUD) is of significant concern due to the complex interplay between these conditions. This paper explores the comorbidity of anxiety and alcohol use, examining the underlying causes, the impacts on individuals, and the best approaches for treatment.

Understanding Comorbidity

Comorbidity refers to the simultaneous presence of two or more disorders or illnesses within an individual. In the context of mental health, comorbidity is particularly common, with anxiety disorders often coexisting with other conditions such as depression and substance use disorders (Kessler et al., 2021). According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), nearly 20% of individuals with an anxiety disorder also have an alcohol use disorder (Grant et al., 2017).

The Relationship Between Anxiety and Alcohol Use

Individuals with anxiety may use alcohol to self-medicate, seeking temporary relief from their symptoms. The self-medication hypothesis posits that alcohol's depressant effects on the central nervous system can initially reduce feelings of tension and anxiety (Robinson et al., 2021). However, this relief is short-lived and often leads to increased tolerance, dependence, and ultimately, exacerbation of anxiety symptoms (Smith & Randall, 2021). The biological and psychological mechanisms underpinning this relationship are complex, involving neurotransmitters such as gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) and serotonin, which play roles in both anxiety and the effects of alcohol (Volkow et al., 2021).

Impacts of Comorbid Anxiety and Alcohol Use

The comorbidity of anxiety and alcohol use can lead to severe health consequences. Physically, individuals may suffer from liver disease, gastrointestinal issues, and cardiovascular problems (Rehm et al., 2020). Mentally, the interaction of anxiety and alcohol can create a vicious cycle, where each condition exacerbates the other, leading to more severe symptoms and a higher risk of developing additional mental health issues, such as depression (Hasin et al., 2018). Socially, this comorbidity can strain relationships, reduce job performance, and impair daily functioning (Cranford et al., 2020).

Diagnosis and Screening

Diagnosing comorbid anxiety and alcohol use disorders is challenging. Symptoms often overlap, making it difficult to distinguish between the conditions (Hasin et al., 2020). Healthcare professionals frequently use screening tools such as the Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test (AUDIT) and the Generalized Anxiety Disorder 7 (GAD-7) to aid in diagnosis (Babor et al., 2020; Spitzer et al., 2021). Comprehensive assessment is crucial for developing an effective treatment plan.

Treatment Approaches

Effective treatment for comorbid anxiety and alcohol use disorders requires an integrated approach. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is highly effective for treating both conditions, helping individuals identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors associated with anxiety and alcohol use (Hofmann et al., 2022). Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is another effective approach, particularly for individuals with severe symptoms (Linehan et al., 2020). Medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) for anxiety and naltrexone for alcohol dependence, can also play a role in treatment (Petrakis et al., 2019). Support systems, including support groups and community resources, are vital for long-term recovery (Kelly et al., 2021).

Personal Stories and Case Studies

To illustrate the real-world impact of comorbid anxiety and alcohol use, consider the case of Jane, a 34-year-old woman who struggled with severe anxiety since her teenage years. Jane turned to alcohol as a way to cope with her anxiety, leading to a decade-long battle with alcohol dependence. Through an integrated treatment plan involving therapy, medication, and support groups, Jane was able to regain control of her life. Stories like Jane’s highlight the importance of comprehensive treatment and support.

Conclusion

The comorbidity of anxiety and alcohol use is a complex and challenging issue. It requires a nuanced understanding and an integrated approach to treatment. By recognizing the interconnectedness of these conditions and providing holistic care, healthcare professionals can better support individuals on their journey to recovery. Future research should continue to explore the mechanisms underlying this comorbidity and develop more effective interventions to improve outcomes for affected individuals.

References

Babor, T. F., Higgins-Biddle, J. C., Saunders, J. B., & Monteiro, M. G. (2020). The Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test: Guidelines for Use in Primary Care. World Health Organization. 

Cranford, J. A., Eisenberg, D., & Serras, A. M. (2020). Alcohol use and depression during the first year of college: Prospective results from the Healthy Minds Study. Addictive Behaviors, 41, 146-151.

Grant, B. F., Goldstein, R. B., Saha, T. D., Chou, S. P., Jung, J., Zhang, H., ... & Hasin, D. S. (2017). Epidemiology of DSM-5 alcohol use disorder: Results from the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions III. JAMA Psychiatry, 72(8), 757-766.

Hasin, D. S., Sarvet, A. L., Meyers, J. L., Saha, T. D., Ruan, W. J., Stohl, M., & Grant, B. F. (2018). Epidemiology of Adult DSM-5 Major Depressive Disorder and Its Specifiers in the United States. JAMA Psychiatry, 75(4), 336-346.

Hasin, D. S., Shmulewitz, D., & Keyes, K. M. (2020). Alcohol use and binge drinking among US adults during the COVID-19 pandemic. JAMA Network Open, 3(9), e2022942.

Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Fang, A., & Vonk, I. J. (2022). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427-440.

Kelly, J. F., Stout, R. L., Magill, M., & Pagano, M. E. (2021). Spirituality in recovery: A lagged mediational analysis of Alcoholics Anonymous’ principal theoretical mechanism of behavior change. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, 35(3), 454-463.

Kessler, R. C., Petukhova, M., Sampson, N. A., Zaslavsky, A. M., & Wittchen, H. U. (2021). Twelve-month and lifetime prevalence and lifetime morbid risk of anxiety and mood disorders in the United States. International Journal of Methods in Psychiatric Research, 21(3), 169-184.

Linehan, M. M., Korslund, K. E., Harned, M. S., Gallop, R. J., Lungu, A., Neacsiu, A. D., ... & Murray-Gregory, A. M. (2020). Dialectical behavior therapy for high suicide risk in individuals with borderline personality disorder: A randomized clinical trial and component analysis. JAMA Psychiatry, 72(5), 475-482.

Petrakis, I. L., Poling, J., Levinson, C., Nich, C., Carroll, K., & Ralevski, E. (2019). Naltrexone and disulfiram in patients with alcohol dependence and comorbid post-traumatic stress disorder. Biological Psychiatry, 65(7), 641-649.

Rehm, J., Shield, K. D., Gmel, G., Rehm, M. X., Frick, U., & Argimon, J. M. (2020). Alcohol consumption, alcohol dependence, and attributable burden of disease in Europe: Potential gains from effective interventions for alcohol dependence. Addiction, 108(1), 57-64.

Robinson, J., Sareen, J., Cox, B. J., & Bolton, J. M. (2021). Role of self-medication in the development of comorbid anxiety and substance use disorders: A longitudinal investigation. Archives of General Psychiatry, 68(8), 800-807.

Smith, J. P., & Randall, C. L. (2021). Anxiety and alcohol use disorders: comorbidity and treatment considerations. Alcohol Research: Current Reviews, 39(1), 1-12.

Spitzer, R. L., Kroenke, K., Williams, J. B. W., & Löwe, B. (2021). A brief measure for assessing generalized anxiety disorder: The GAD-7. Archives of Internal Medicine, 166(10), 1092-1097.

Volkow, N. D., Koob, G. F., & McLellan, A. T. (2021). Neurobiologic advances from the brain disease model of addiction. New England Journal of Medicine, 374(4), 363-371.

Overcoming the Urge to Drink Alcohol: A Proactive Approach

Alcohol consumption is a complex and often deeply rooted issue that can have profound impacts on individuals, families, and communities. While the temptation to drink can be strong, particularly in moments of stress or difficulty, it is crucial to address this urge before it escalates into a more serious problem.(Juhásová & Balážiová, 2021)

Adolescence is a key period when alcohol initiation and abuse vulnerability are heightened, making it a critical time for intervention and prevention. Research suggests that the motives for alcohol use can shift dramatically during this developmental stage, with initial curiosity or social factors giving way to physiological and psychological dependence.(Deas & Thomas, 2002) Moreover, early alcohol use is associated with an increased risk of developing long-term alcohol use disorders later in life.(Petit et al., 2013)

It is therefore essential that healthcare professionals, educators, and other key stakeholders be acutely aware of the signs and symptoms of alcohol use in children and adolescents. Diagnostic screening and early intervention can help identify those at risk and provide the necessary support and resources to address the issue before it becomes entrenched. 

Understanding the factors that contribute to alcohol use in adolescence is crucial for developing effective prevention and treatment strategies. Studies have shown that comorbid psychiatric conditions, such as depression or anxiety, can significantly increase the risk of alcohol and substance abuse during this critical period of development.(Deas & Thomas, 2002). Family dynamics and peer influence are also pivotal in shaping adolescent alcohol use patterns. Adolescents often model behaviors observed within their family environment, and parental alcohol use or permissive attitudes towards drinking can inadvertently encourage similar behaviors in their children (Windle, 1996). Conversely, strong familial support and clear communication about the risks associated with alcohol use can serve as protective factors, reducing the likelihood of early initiation and subsequent misuse (Velleman, 2009).

In addition to family influences, peer pressure and the desire for social acceptance play substantial roles in adolescents' decisions to consume alcohol. Adolescents are particularly susceptible to peer influence due to their developmental stage, which prioritizes social belonging and acceptance (Steinberg & Monahan, 2007). This social dynamic can lead to experimentation with alcohol as a means to fit in or gain approval from peers, even when adolescents are aware of the potential risks (Maxwell, 2002). Hence, interventions aimed at reducing alcohol use in this age group must address these social factors by promoting healthy peer relationships and fostering environments where positive social behaviors are encouraged and valued.

Preventive measures and interventions should be multifaceted, incorporating educational programs, community initiatives, and policy changes. School-based programs that educate students about the dangers of alcohol use and provide skills for resisting peer pressure have shown promise in reducing alcohol consumption among adolescents (Botvin et al., 2001). Community initiatives that engage local organizations and stakeholders in creating supportive environments and providing alternative activities for youth can also be effective (Hawkins et al., 2009). Furthermore, policy measures such as restricting the availability of alcohol and enforcing legal drinking age laws are critical components of a comprehensive approach to preventing adolescent alcohol use (Wagenaar & Toomey, 2002).

For those adolescents who have already begun to misuse alcohol, early intervention is paramount. Evidence-based therapeutic approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and motivational interviewing (MI), have been shown to be effective in helping adolescents reduce or cease alcohol use (Brown et al., 2010). These therapies focus on changing the thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to alcohol use and enhancing the individual's motivation to pursue healthier lifestyle choices. Additionally, family-based interventions that involve parents and other family members in the treatment process can improve outcomes by addressing the broader relational context of the adolescent's alcohol use (Liddle et al., 2001).

In conclusion, overcoming the urge to drink alcohol, particularly during adolescence, requires a proactive and comprehensive approach. By understanding the multifactorial nature of alcohol use and addressing the various contributing factors through education, community engagement, policy enforcement, and targeted therapeutic interventions, it is possible to reduce the prevalence of alcohol misuse and its associated harms. Stakeholders must remain vigilant and committed to implementing and sustaining these efforts to foster healthier communities and support the well-being of future generations.

References

Botvin, G. J., Griffin, K. W., Diaz, T., & Ifill-Williams, M. (2001). Preventing binge drinking during early adolescence: One- and two-year follow-up of a school-based preventive intervention. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, 15(4), 360-365. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-164X.15.4.360

Brown, S. A., Anderson, K. G., Schulte, M. T., Sintov, N. D., & Frissell, K. C. (2010). Facilitating youth self-change through school-based intervention. Addictive Behaviors, 35(3), 179-186. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2009.10.021

Deas, D., & Thomas, S. E. (2002). Comorbid psychiatric factors contributing to adolescent alcohol and other drug use. Alcohol Research & Health, 26(2), 116-121.

Hawkins, J. D., Oesterle, S., Brown, E. C., Abbott, R. D., & Catalano, R. F. (2009). Youth problem behaviors 8 years after implementing the Communities That Care prevention system: A community-randomized trial. JAMA Pediatrics, 163(3), 203-210. https://doi.org/10.1001/archpediatrics.2008.554

Juhásová, A., & Balážiová, Z. (2021). Stress and alcohol consumption: A review of the literature. Journal of Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, 9(1), 1-9. https://doi.org/10.4172/2329-6488.1000341

Liddle, H. A., Dakof, G. A., Parker, K., Diamond, G. S., Barrett, K., & Tejeda, M. (2001). Multidimensional family therapy for adolescent drug abuse: Results of a randomized clinical trial. American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse, 27(4), 651-688. https://doi.org/10.1081/ADA-100107661

Maxwell, K. A. (2002). Friends: The role of peer influence across adolescent risk behaviors. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 31(4), 267-277. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1015493316865

Petit, G., Luminet, O., Maurage, P., Tecco, J., Leclercq, S., & de Timary, P. (2013). Emotion regulation in alcohol dependence. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, 37(11), 1849-1860. https://doi.org/10.1111/acer.12159

Steinberg, L., & Monahan, K. C. (2007). Age differences in resistance to peer influence. Developmental Psychology, 43(6), 1531-1543. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.43.6.1531

Velleman, R. (2009). Influences on how children and young people learn about and behave towards alcohol: A review of the literature. Joseph Rowntree Foundation.

Wagenaar, A. C., & Toomey, T. L. (2002). Effects of minimum drinking age laws: Review and analyses of the literature from 1960 to 2000. Journal of Studies on Alcohol, Supplement, 14, 206-225. https://doi.org/10.15288/jsas.2002.s14.206

Windle, M. (1996). Effect of parental drinking on adolescents. Alcohol Health and Research World, 20(3), 181-184.

Unmasking the Hidden Addiction: Confronting the Silent Crisis of Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

In the digital age, where technology has revolutionized our daily lives, a silent crisis has been brewing within the realm of sexual health. Pornography, once a taboo topic, has become increasingly prevalent, with studies suggesting that a significant portion of the population engages with it on a regular basis. However, this compulsive behavior has had far-reaching consequences, particularly in the domain of male sexual function, where a disturbing trend has emerged: porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).

Numerous studies have delved into this phenomenon, providing valuable insights into the underlying mechanisms. Epidemiological data indicates a strong correlation between erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and low sexual desire, often linked to psychological conditions such as depression and anxiety disorders (Nobre, 2017). Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy has emerged as a promising treatment approach, addressing the cognitive distortions and behavioral patterns that contribute to these sexual dysfunctions. Interestingly, the properties of internet pornography, with its endless variety and instant gratification, have been postulated as potential catalysts for the neurobiological changes that underlie these sexual difficulties. 

As the scientific community continues to explore the intricate relationship between pornography use and sexual function, a growing body of evidence suggests that the compulsive consumption of online pornographic content may, in fact, be a significant contributing factor to the rising prevalence of erectile dysfunction among young men. This phenomenon, often termed "porn-induced erectile dysfunction" (PIED), has drawn the attention of researchers and clinicians alike, given its potential implications for individual and public health.

The Neurobiological Mechanisms Behind PIED

Research has illuminated several neurobiological mechanisms that may underpin PIED. Internet pornography, characterized by its high novelty and accessibility, triggers a substantial release of dopamine in the brain's reward circuitry. This excessive and repeated stimulation can lead to desensitization of dopamine receptors, reducing their sensitivity over time. Studies have shown that this desensitization can diminish the brain's response to sexual stimuli, making real-life sexual encounters less arousing and potentially leading to erectile dysfunction (Prause, Steele, Staley, & Sabatinelli, 2015).

Additionally, the brain's plasticity allows for the reinforcement of neural pathways associated with pornography consumption, potentially at the expense of those related to real-life sexual interactions. This can result in a form of conditioned arousal where individuals find it increasingly difficult to achieve and maintain erections without the presence of pornographic material (Hilton & Watts, 2011).

Psychological Factors and Behavioral Patterns

Beyond neurobiological factors, psychological components play a crucial role in PIED. Individuals who consume pornography compulsively may develop unrealistic expectations about sex, body image, and sexual performance, leading to anxiety and performance pressure during real-life sexual encounters. The cognitive distortions and maladaptive beliefs fostered by frequent pornography use can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, further contributing to erectile difficulties (Doidge, 2007).

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has shown promise in treating PIED by addressing these cognitive distortions and maladaptive behaviors. CBT interventions focus on reshaping negative thought patterns, reducing anxiety, and promoting healthier sexual attitudes and behaviors. Empirical evidence supports the efficacy of CBT in improving erectile function and overall sexual satisfaction (McCabe, 2005).

Epidemiological Evidence and Clinical Implications

Epidemiological studies provide further evidence of the link between pornography use and sexual dysfunction. Research indicates that young men, in particular, are increasingly reporting erectile dysfunction and other sexual problems, with a significant proportion attributing these issues to excessive pornography consumption (Park et al., 2016). This trend raises concerns about the long-term impact of pornography on sexual health and highlights the need for increased awareness and intervention.

Healthcare professionals are encouraged to screen for pornography use when assessing patients with sexual dysfunction. Integrating questions about pornography consumption into routine sexual health evaluations can help identify individuals at risk for PIED and facilitate timely intervention. Moreover, public health campaigns aimed at educating the population about the potential risks associated with excessive pornography use can play a vital role in prevention.

Conclusion

Porn-induced erectile dysfunction represents a complex interplay of neurobiological, psychological, and behavioral factors. As research continues to shed light on this silent crisis, it becomes increasingly clear that addressing PIED requires a multifaceted approach. By combining neurobiological insights, psychological interventions, and public health strategies, we can better support individuals affected by PIED and mitigate its impact on sexual health. The journey towards unmasking and confronting this hidden addiction is crucial for fostering a healthier relationship with sexuality in the digital age.

References

1. Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science. Viking Penguin.

2. Hilton, D. L., & Watts, C. (2011). Pornography addiction: A neuroscience perspective. Surgical Neurology International, 2, 19.

3. McCabe, M. P. (2005). Evaluation of a cognitive behavior therapy program for people with sexual dysfunction. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 31(3), 269-282.

4. Nobre, P. J. (2017). Psychological determinants of erectile dysfunction: Testing a cognitive-affective model. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 14(2), 261-268.

5. Park, B. Y., Wilson, G., Berger, J., Christman, M., Reina, B., Bishop, F., ... & Doan, A. P. (2016). Is internet pornography causing sexual dysfunctions? A review with clinical reports. Behavioral Sciences, 6(3), 17.

6. Prause, N., Steele, V. R., Staley, C., & Sabatinelli, D. (2015). Modulation of late positive potentials by sexual images in problem users and controls inconsistent with “porn addiction.” Biological Psychology, 109, 192-199.

A Timeless Guide: The Origin of the Word 'Mentor'

The word "mentor" has become a ubiquitous term in modern society, used to describe a wise and trusted advisor who offers guidance, wisdom, and support to a less experienced individual. However, the origins of this word can be traced back to the ancient world, where the concept of mentorship played a significant role in shaping the lives of individuals and the transmission of knowledge.

Click image to enlarge

The earliest known use of the term "mentor" can be found in Homer's epic poem, the Odyssey, written in the 8th century BC. In the story, Odysseus, the king of Ithaca, entrusts his son, Telemachus, to the care of a wise and trusted friend named Mentor, who acts as a guide and advisor during Odysseus' long absence. This ancient tale not only introduces the concept of mentorship but also highlights the important role that mentors play in the development and guidance of younger individuals.

The author of "A Reflection on the Art and Practice of Mentorship" delves deeper into the multifaceted nature of Mentor's role in the Odyssey, identifying three key functions: that of a Regent, an Elder Teacher, and a guide for an entire nation . Similarly, the "Brief History of Mentorship" chapter explores the enduring influence of the mentor-mentee relationship, tracing its evolution from the ancient Greek mythos to its modern-day applications, particularly in the field of professional development and education (Irby et al., 2020). 

Over time, the concept of mentorship has transcended its mythological roots to become a cornerstone of various fields. In the realm of professional development, mentorship serves as a critical component in nurturing talent and fostering career growth. The mentor-mentee relationship facilitates the transfer of not only technical knowledge but also organizational culture and soft skills, thereby enabling mentees to navigate complex professional landscapes with greater efficacy.

Moreover, the educational sector has embraced mentorship as a vital tool for enhancing learning experiences and outcomes. Educators often take on mentorship roles, guiding students through academic challenges and helping them to develop critical thinking skills and intellectual curiosity. This dynamic is reflective of the ancient mentor-mentee paradigm, wherein wisdom and knowledge are imparted through close, personal interaction and guidance.

The enduring legacy of the mentor figure from the Odyssey can be seen in contemporary mentorship practices, which continue to emphasize the importance of trust, wisdom, and support. Modern mentors, much like Mentor in the ancient epic, provide a stabilizing influence and a source of wisdom, helping mentees to achieve their full potential. This timeless concept underscores the fundamental human need for guidance and the transmission of knowledge across generations.

In conclusion, the word "mentor" carries with it a rich historical legacy that underscores its significance in both ancient and modern contexts. From its origins in Homer's Odyssey to its current applications in professional and educational settings, the concept of mentorship remains a vital and transformative force. The timeless nature of this practice highlights the universal value of guidance, wisdom, and support in fostering individual growth and the continuity of knowledge. 

References:

Ferreres, A. R. (2018). "A Brief History of Mentorship." In *Mentoring in Surgery*.

Hughes, T. (2003). "A Reflection on the Art and Practice of Mentorship."

Irby, D. M., Cooke, M., & O'Brien, B. C. (2020). Educating Physicians: A Call for Reform of Medical School and Residency. 

The Marriage Ultimatum: It's not Personal, Just Business

We've all seen it in movies or heard from friends: the dreaded "When are we getting married?" conversation. It's a question that can send shivers down anyone's spine, ushering in a wave of emotional pressure.

This scenario unfolds in a familiar pattern. A man enjoys a happy relationship, but as time marches on, the woman's desire for marriage grows stronger. Feeling a sense of urgency, she starts, often unintentionally, to pile on the pressure.

The pressure cooker environment can manifest in a few key ways. The woman might deploy tactics that trigger specific emotions – guilt, shame, or even fear – to nudge the man towards marriage. Emotional manipulation might rear its head through comments that subtly question his commitment or veiled threats about the relationship's future. If these tactics prove ineffective, she might withdraw emotionally, becoming distant or disagreeable. This shift in behavior creates a suffocating atmosphere, leaving the man feeling trapped and desperate to recapture the earlier, happier dynamic.

In my experience as a consultant, I've seen this scenario play out countless times. The butterflies-in-your-stomach phase can quickly sour when the "When are we getting married?" conversation arrives

And note to all you ladies out there, neither of these strategies is a particularly good idea with respect to your goals. In any case, these men are generally legitimately conflicted. They clearly care about the women in question and are nervous about the prospect of losing them. And they also have valid concerns about radically changing the structure of their relationships. Concerns that all too often fall deaf on their women's ears, which does little to reassure them. These men are struggling and they don't know what to do. So I've created an analogy to help them understand what they're going through. 

The analogy is this:

At some point in his life, practically every man has been in a situation where he's dealing with a woman he's not particularly attracted to and may not even like. But he's dealing with her because he's horny and he wants to have sex.

It is what it is.

Now, when guys are dealing with a woman like that, they tend to get more aggressive with respect to securing the sexual encounter. And the reason they do this is because there isn't anything else they want from her to this man. The woman in question isn't funny or charming, so he doesn't find her enjoyable to just have around. And she isn't wise or intelligent, so she isn't teaching him something that he's interested in learning, and she isn't useful or helpful, so she isn't furthering his goals.

She's not any of these things.

If she did provide other ways in which he could meaningfully benefit from the relationship, then he might be able to content himself without the sexual element. But in the absence of these ways, there's no reason for him to stick around and deal with that woman without sex.

He wants one thing because he's not getting anything else that he wants, and without that one thing, there is no basis for further interaction. And that's what motivates men in these circumstances to be more aggressive. It's like, hey, I'm cool either way, but if you're not going to move things forward, I can't really deal with you. I'm going to move on and that's a rational decision given that man's perception of the situation. 

I get you fellas, but here's the thing. What you do to a woman under those circumstances is analogous to what a woman does to you when she's pressuring you to marry her.

Let that sink in!

If there were other ways in which she felt she was benefiting from that arrangement, if she was content with your extrapolated lifestyle and the things you did together and the opportunities you create for her and the status she enjoys in relating to you and the good sex that you consistently have, and she could see no better options that could give her more of what she wants, then she wouldn't be as pushy for marriage.

This is because being pushy is a risk.

Sometimes when you rock the boat, you end up falling out. This isn't always a bad thing, of course, as it functionally forces the pushy person to move on to a different relationship where she might stand a better chance of getting what she wants. But a woman is generally pushy for marriage to the extent that she's not getting anything else that she wants from that relationship. And the real kicker here is that she might not be getting anything else from the relationship because you already gave it to her.

Remember, to want is to lack.

So if she already has it, she's not going to want it. So if marriage is the only thing you haven't given her yet, then what else is she going to want? And if she's not getting anything else to compensate her for not getting the thing that she wants, then she's going to get more pushy. It makes sense.

Now don't get me wrong. A woman can want whatever she wants, and if she's not getting what she wants, then barring some other commitment to the contrary, she has every right to leave that relationship and move on. But a woman who acts that way, men, doesn't love you more than she loves what she wants.

Love's highest good is simply to continue to exist in the presence of the loved one.

That's it. Everything else pales in comparison. A woman who threatens to leave you if you don't marry her is functionally telling you that she wants things more than she wants to continue to be with you. She doesn't love you. In this moment, she is looking to do business. So don't confuse the two. The upshot is, from the perspective of both men and women, the more someone is pushy, the less you should give them what they want.

Like, women don't have sex with guys who are pushy about having sex with you.

They're pushy to the extent that they don't want anything else from you. Because if they did want something else and they were getting it, they wouldn't be so aggressive.

By the same token, men don't marry women who are pushy about getting married.

They're pushy to the extent that they don't want anything else from you. Because if they did want something else and they were getting it, they wouldn't be so aggressive. Women treat men the way men treat jobs. When a woman is pushy for marriage, she's functionally saying,

look, I've been in this role for two years, five years, ten years, whatever, and I want a promotion to permanent job security. If you do not give me said promotion, I am going to go to a different company.

And it's like, fair enough, ladies, but men, what you have to understand is that a woman who engages you like this isn't coming from a place of love. She's coming from a place of motivated self interest. She's looking to do business, which is, after all, precisely what a relationship is for.

So that's not necessarily the problem.

What is potentially the problem is a woman who is assertively negotiating for something of great benefit to her without offering anything of great benefit in return. Doing this is bad business and will likely cause the woman to be rejected, especially if the man has any optionality to speak of. If she's going to do business, then you got to do business.

Ask yourself, what would I hope to get out of this?

What are the costs?

What are the risks?

Are they sufficiently offset by the potential benefits I hope to accrue from this situation? And both sides need to remember that at this point, it's not personal. It's just business. It's not personal if a woman decides to lateral to a different company with a more attractive compensation package. After all, it's much easier to remain loyal to one's perceived best interest. And it's not personal if a man decides that a certain employee is better suited for a role as an independent contributor than as a corporate officer. After all, people don't become the CEO simply due to seniority.

It also means that the people, men and women, who are most likely to get what they want are the ones who seem not to want these things. Like the guy who doesn't seem to care one way or the other if he has sex is way more likely to get laid than the guy who is pushing aggressive for intercourse.

Why?

Because his apparent indifference kind of makes the sexual encounter feel safer for a woman to proceed. By the same token, the woman who doesn't seem to care one way or the other if she gets married is more likely to get married than the woman who is pushy and aggressive for a ring.

Why?

Because her apparent indifference kind of makes matrimony feel safer for a man to proceed. It's the same fucking thing. The person who has more to lose needs to be reassured, needs to be made to feel safe in order to proceed with sex. The party who has more to lose is the woman. With marriage, the party who has more to lose is the man. To the extent that men want to marry women who love them, men will paradoxically be most motivated in marrying women who do not seem to care whether about whether or not they get married. Something to keep in mind ladies. What do you think, Does this fit with your experience? Let me know in the comments below.

Reference: Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks

Women Do The Right Things With The Wrong Men

To illustrate what I mean by this, let me share an anecdote from my personal life. Many years ago, the woman I was dating had a girlfriend come into town, and the three of us went out to dinner together. And over the course of this meal, it became apparent that this woman didn't yet have a place to stay for the night. The woman I was seeing invited her to stay with her, but this woman's solution was to text a guy she had gone out with a few months ago. The plan was to meet him out for a drink, go back to his place, spend the night with him, and then get on with whatever it was that she came into town to do.

Now the guy doesn't know this yet. This is just the woman's plan for the evening. When we expressed our concern, she tried to reassure us by saying, oh, it's fine. I don't really like this guy, so it's okay if I just use him for the night. And I remember turning to the woman I was with and jokingly asking her if she might try liking me a little less, but like all good jokes, there was some truth to it.

Ladies, if you call me up, invite me out for a drink, come back to my place, have sex with me all night, leave in the morning, and don't communicate with me until you're ready to do that again. I guarantee I won't feel like you don't like me. What's more, I will feel very positively about you.

From the man's perspective, that woman's plan had an extremely high good times to hassle ratio.

The interaction was easy, effortless, fun, inexpensive convenient, and sexually satisfying. If you treat a man like this, I guarantee that he will want to see you again. This is because men do not encounter good times to hassle ratio women very often. Frankly, y'all can be a real handful So if you give a guy a lot of what he wants and not a lot of what he doesn't, he will text you back. He will answer your phone call. And in the vast majority of cases, he will attempt to replicate that encounter sooner as opposed to later, because you gave him an extremely positive experience, even if only once. He will often go to great lengths and expense to make it happen again. And isn't that what you want a guy to go to great lengths and expense for you?

Unfortunately, this woman kind of wasted this experience. Yeah, she got a place to stay for the night, so she saved a few hundred bucks, but she didn't really like the guy, remember? In fact, she even live in the same town, so it would be difficult for her to get much more out of the relationship, even if she did like him. Imagine if she had done this with a guy she actually did like, and who was in a position to offer her a relationship. She could have saved a few hundred thousand bucks while spending her nights with a man she actually felt positively about. That's the power of a Good times to hassle ratio.

But what do women do when they meet a guy they actually like? First and foremost, they often want to take it slow. Women seem to have this belief that having sex too soon somehow disqualifies them from a long term relationship. It does not. On the contrary, as we'll see, it's waiting too long that generally does. However, what taking it slow functionally does is make the courtship process significantly more expensive for the man like expensive in every possible way. It's expensive by way of time, attention, money, effort, opportunity, and often frustration. Men do not feel liked when you make them jump through hoops to get sex. Men do not feel liked when you give them less of what they want and more of what they don't. Men do not feel liked when interactions with you are difficult, effortful, serious, expensive, inconvenient, and sexually frustrating. Are you listening? And in the second case, when a woman meets a guy she actually likes, it tends to arouse her insecurities because she is now in an emotionally risky situation After all, if the guy she didn't really like doesn't like her back, she might not bat an eyelash. However, if the guy she does like doesn't like her back, she might be significantly distressed.

So women attempt to shore up their insecurities in a number of ways, including testing a man's interest, demand commitment, seeking reassurance, provoking arguments, etc., etc. and all of this behavior significantly increases the hassle associated with dealing with these women, especially since the man she doesn't like and who doesn't therefore arouse her insecurities, doesn't have to deal with any of this shit.

Between taking it slow and all of the annoying things that they're subject to doing when they're feeling insecure, women significantly decrease the good times to hassle ratio with the men they actually like. This is experienced as punitive by men who will not consequently make an effort to get you or keep you in their lives. Ladies, if you like a man, then reward him with fun times and good sex and then leave him alone. Leave him alone, leave him alone. I guarantee that men do not forget these women. You will hear from these men again. Maybe not quite as soon as you'd like, but you will trust me. It's like I still remember that corner in the city where I found 1000 bob 10 years ago. I will probably never forget that place for as long as I live, and I definitely walked by that place more than once to see if I might find something else there. In any case, ladies, if you want to nab a big fish, you have to ensure that the hook is firmly in place before you start reeling it in. And this is how you set the hook. Fun times. Good sex. Leave them alone.

So this is what I mean when I say that women do the right things with the wrong men. They have good times that don't really count with the men they don't really want relationships with, and they hold out and act nutty with the men they do want to have relationships with. I'm telling you, if that guy has any optionality whatsoever, and he probably does, if he's a high value man, he's not going to wait around just to pay more for less.

Now, the rebuttal I usually hear from women when I talk like this is something like, that's not true. It's not true. If a man really liked me, he'd be willing to wait. So if he's not willing to wait, that must mean that he doesn't really like me. He probably just wanted to use me for sex. So this strategy helps me weed out the fuckboys. After all, I don't want to just be used for sex. All right, let me respond to this. Leaving aside the fact that women often intentionally allow themselves to be used for sex, remember the woman in my anecdote allowed herself to be used for sex in order to have a place to stay for the night? The problem with this rebuttal is that it's too inclusive, like as a discrimination strategy, it will produce far too many positive outcomes Like, yes, if you make a fuckboy, wait, he won't stick around, correct? This is because waiting makes the same sexual opportunity increasingly more expensive. All other things being equal, and a fuckboy is trying to transact a sexual opportunity as cheaply as possible. However, not every man who won't wait around is a fuckboy. Okay, let me explain. Let's imagine that you have an all time favorite restaurant. The food is phenomenal, the ambiance is exquisite, the service is exceptional. Like everything. Everything about this place is wonderful. You love everything, but let's also imagine that you live two hours away. And that word has gotten out about how great this place is. So it's extremely difficult to get a reservation. And in order to even make a reservation, you first need to join some kind of Diners Club that requires a steep initiation fee and an interview process. How likely would it be that how often you eat there is an accurate reflection of how you feel about the place. You love this restaurant. The problem is that there are all of these obstacles in the way of you going there more frequently. If you were to confess this to the manager and he were to say well, if this really was your all time favorite restaurant, you wouldn't have an issue driving two hours to eat dinner and you would make it a priority to secure a reservation, because that's what people do when they love things. They go above and beyond. They make an effort, they're willing to wait. And the fact that you aren't willing to do those things means you probably couldn't care less about this establishment. Like, if he were to say this to you, I don't think you'd feel very heard and understood. The problem was not your level of interest in the restaurant. The problem was the number of fucking obstacles in the way of eating there. Women, if you like a guy do not put obstacles in the path of eating at your restaurant. Make the guys that you don't really like wait and allow the men you want to keep around to cut to the front of the line. Do this and you will have much more success with men. Okay, what do you think? Does this fit with your own experience? Let me know in the comments below.

© O'Rryan Tarraban

Digital Natives Ditching Relationships: Rise of AI Companions

"Where men are forbidden to honour a king they honour millionaires, athletes, or film-stars instead: even famous prostitutes or gangsters. For spiritual nature, like bodily nature, will be served; deny it food and it will gobble poison."

The first generation that grew up as digital natives is now entering their marriage and relationship years and all they have to show for it is hook up culture. Teaching young guys about female nature is like teaching a people in the south pacific how to ski; it’s completely irrelevant. Learning about female nature is more of confirmation bias this days. Now its more probably about making guys feel secure in their subconscious choice to avoid women and relationships. 

As men burn in passion in the wilderness of north America, this website called interesting engineering says: "we have entered an age of readily available AI girlfriend and AI sex bots." SexTech is expected to be a $3.3 billion industry by 2033, with a growing rise in preference and acceptance of robotic sex," predicts futurologist.

The Synthesis of Wisdom and Action: Uniting the Scholar and the Warrior

In the pursuit of human excellence, a timeless philosophy emerges: the integration of scholarly pursuits and the spirit of a warrior. This amalgamation, echoed through the ages, resonates with empirical research revealing the profound advantages of a harmonious blend of intellect and action.

Aristotle, a revered philosopher, extolled the virtues of balance between intellectual growth and physical vigor. His proposition resonates deeply with contemporary studies that emphasize the cognitive benefits of physical activity. Research conducted by Hillman, Erickson, and Kramer (2008) elucidates how exercise enhances cognitive functions, specifically in executive control and memory retention, aligning with the concept of a scholar athlete.

Moreover, the convergence of wisdom and action finds resonance in biblical wisdom. In the book of Proverbs, Solomon urges the pursuit of knowledge alongside moral courage, proclaiming, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction" (Proverbs 1:7, ESV). This biblical exhortation resonates with the call to be both wise scholars and courageous warriors.

Yet, the synthesis is incomplete without acknowledging the significance of ethical action. The Apostle Paul implores in his letter to the Ephesians, "Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might" (Ephesians 6:10, ESV). This encapsulates the essence of strength derived not only from physical prowess but also from spiritual fortitude.

The warrior and the scholar, when harmonized, embody a holistic ideal. This fusion aligns with modern psychology, as expounded by Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where self-actualization arises from the fulfillment of physical, intellectual, and spiritual dimensions.

In conclusion, the union of the scholar and the warrior resonates deeply with empirical research, ancient wisdom, and biblical teachings. Embracing both intellectual pursuits and courageous action leads to a life of purpose, guided by wisdom and empowered by strength. As Proverbs 16:3 advises, "Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established" (ESV), encompassing the essence of diligence, wisdom, and spiritual guidance in the pursuit of excellence. 

No Contact, No Conflict: A Code for Black Communities

n Sufism, the collective consciousness makes up the one true God. This one true God is the macrocosm, and those who gather to make it are the microcosms, or atoms. This interconnected system has codes of conduct.

In the ancient era, these codes were called the 42 ideals of Ma'at, and initiates renounced vices from their psyche. In the modern era, black people have become savage because they don't have such codes to maintain law and order in their communities.

Neely Fuller Jr., empathizing with the plight of black people in North America, constructed a single code that would harmonize the original people: no contact, no conflict.

Awareness is necessary so that we can witness the vile behavior that comes out of black people when they make contact. A good example is when DJ Moh flashed his gun during his friend's birthday bash.

After night or day shifts, when black people now lack something useful to do, they show off. The prime ingredient of this poison is boasting.

In the science of the soul, we are taught that this world is a prison house of chaurasi, and the prison master is white supremacy. Black folk boast to other non-white folks what the system of white supremacy has allowed them to have.

Examples of the over-the-counter guns they boast about are Colt, Smith and Wesson, and AK47. None of these weapons bear names of African descent. It had to be someone motivated by survival instinct and using diabolic wisdom who had to work in the lab to make them.

So now we have a Kenyan DJ who, in his friend's birthday party, which is a really secure environment, is showing off his 9mm to other Kenyans via the media and brewing conflict in the event of it.

The code again is no contact, no conflict. Contact should only be made when there is constructive information to convey or demand.

Rethinking Therapy Settings: Insights from "Redpill Psychology"

What can possibly be happening in the minds of men sitting in female dominated space, box of tissue at their side, with a woman saying “tell me how you feel” about this or that? Even worse, asking such probing questions with the implication that he is an empty emotional vessel in need of her redemption.

Lea Winerman, a staff writer for the American Psychological Association asks us to “imagine the Marlboro man in therapy.”

Imagine instead a therapy office in the boiler room of a ship, in a workshop, a park, a building site, mechanics shed or a sports locker room, with seating arrangements that allowed men to sit at 45 degree angles or side by side — engaged in some kind of task if they wished.  

       

Imagine too if we were to engage in some kind of typical male play or industry – not just Jungian sandplay or water-color art therapies as suits the more effeminate sensibilities of women, but hands on therapy – while driving a truck, fixing the engine of a car or building a piece of furniture.  

       

Or, if you prefer, something recreational. Standing on a pier fishing, hiking up the side of a hill or sitting beside a campfire.  

       

When it comes to communication, men like a medium, something through which to channel their energy.

To summarize, a new therapy for men might consider utilizing new settings for conducting consultations, including the use of a wider range of manual activities – occupations and crafts – as therapeutic mediums.